my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
