I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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