Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
