I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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