He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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