Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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