Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
