I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
