Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
