i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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