Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
