my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
