I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
