You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
