i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
