That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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