They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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