I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
