I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
