I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
