He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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