You made me cry and you don't even care
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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