He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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