Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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