lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
