Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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