Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
