I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
