so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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