i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
