Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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