i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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