Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
