Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
