Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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