I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
