sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
