My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
