Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
