so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
