dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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