Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
