made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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