Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer