and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.