I wish I could punch you in the face.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?