Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
