that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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