Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
