I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
