so let's talk penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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