just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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