so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize