i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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