can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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