lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
