what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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