I just threw up on my dentist
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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