I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
