I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
