So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
