im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
