the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
