I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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