what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
