things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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