dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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