Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
