why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Two words: blizzard sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
