Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
