It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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